Come Back to Me
by Divergent24-7
Summary: Tris and Uriah died, but three years later, Matthew creates a serum that is able to revive bodies that are kept and preserved. Tobias still has not moved on, waking up everyday to the thought of her, and falling asleep everyday to the thought of her. How will he react when Tris and Uriah come back after three years? rate: strong T. Fourtris!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

TOBIAS POV:

"_Tris!" I call into the darkness, stumbling and clawing my way to the light up ahead. _

_I just saw her walk past me, the ghost of her presence still shivering through my body. She had to be just up ahead. I know it. I can feel it._

"_Tobias!" I hear her scream, her usually angelic voice, now full of pain and agony. _

"_Tris!" I yell back, finally seeing her come into view as I approach the light. _

_Her face is laced with pain until we make eye contact, then they immediately change to ones of hope. I begin to crawl faster, the feeling of walls caving in around me envelope my senses, and the need to escape escalates. _

_As I become closer and closer to her form, I begin to see another one, one of a man standing slightly to her right. His identity is covered in a blanket of her shadow, but the object that he holds up to Tris's side glimmers in the light. The metal barrel is held against her waist, the man's finger teasing the trigger. _

"_I will shoot if you come any closer." He speaks, his voice raspy and harsh. _

_I stop moving instantly, a white hot feeling racing through my body, panic. _

"_This is your fault, Tobias. She is here because of you," his voice booms as I feel the walls disappear, and instead I'm in the lighted room with Tris and the man. _

_I sigh, guilt invading my emotions as I speak, "Just let her go, she hasn't done anything wrong." _

"_It's too late for that," the barrel of the gun presses against her long golden hair, "This is your fault." _

_Then the gun goes off. _

_I watch as her body slumps to the ground, and I close my eyes to escape the images. Then the gun goes off again….again….again. _

My eyes slam open to my body being rocked with my name coming out of her mouth over and over again, louder each time. Finally I come to my senses and grab her hand from my shoulders and place them at her sides.

"Tobias," Evelyn sighs my name, "finally, I thought you were never going to wake up."

I grunt at her, my mind comprehending that that all was just a dream, or a nightmare I should say. It happens a lot, I usually will wake up sweating as I am now. I haven't ever been woken up by someone, but Evelyn seems to get nervous every time I begin to thrash and yell in my sleep.

"What was it this time?" She asks, sitting next to me as I throw my legs over the edge of the bed and copy her position.

"Nothing I want to talk about." I say, wiping the sweat from my forehead off with the back of my hand.

"Okay, well, I made coffee if you want any."

I sigh, looking at the clock on the nightstand, 9:08 am. Instead of answering, I stand up, walking to the small kitchen and pouring myself a cup. Evelyn follows me out and sits in a chair at the table facing me. I take my coffee pain and pucker my lips as the bitter, hot liquid runs down my throat.

"Don't you want sugar or cream?" Evelyn asks, smirking at me as I make a face with every sip.

"I'll be fine." I answer, deciding to just down the rest to get it over with, as all I need from this cup of coffee is the caffeine it stores.

"So," she starts, standing up and pouring herself a cup, then adding two sugars and a splash of caramel flavored cream. As she stirs it with a spoon, she continues, "Are you planning on attending the get together with your friends today? It starts in a few hours."

I wasn't planning on it, but somehow I knew that if it wasn't Evelyn who forced me to go, Zeke surely would be at my door, waiting for me to join him.

"Yeah."

The annual bonfire, is something that Christina started a year after _her _death. Basically we all get together around a big fire with booze, and reminisce about our times with the loved ones we lost during the war. I don't enjoy sharing, because mainly they expect me to speak about _her, _though, if I ever do, I usually end up either too drunk to remember or too sad to talk.

Everyone who attends yearly include; Christina, Cara, Zeke, Shauna, Amar, George, Peter, and most painful of all, Caleb. Caleb took _her _death pretty hard, not as hard as me of course, but it took a hell of a fight from Cara to cure him from his misery. I still am not cured, though I'm known for being one of the most unemotional guys around the New Chicago. I tend to put my Four mask on at any time I'm interacting with anyone other than Zeke, Amar, or Christina.

Today is _her _death anniversary of three years, and yet I still have not come to even comprehend how long it's been since I've touched or talked to her.

I try not to think of these types of things as the guilt crushing my lungs is already enough to deal with everyday. Though, as I step into the shower now, the thoughts about the last night I was with her invade my mind.

That night was the best night of my life, and to think of the next day, when I woke up by her side, I hadn't even began to think that that would be the last night I would get a full night's rest. The last night I could wrap my arms around her small body. The last night I would fall asleep without nightmares.

I hurry in the shower, shaking my head side to side as if the images of her body and the thoughts rushing through my mind would vanish. The shower has increasingly become my least favorite place, as the vacant spaces in my head fill with flashes of memories of _her. _

Thankfully the shower only takes about three minutes more as I wash my body, trying to forget about the images in my head. When I finish, I get dressed in a dark blue t-shirt and some long black jeans. Then, I brush my teeth and shave for the first time this week, also taking my hair and shaving that Abnegation style.

By the time I'm done, and have eaten lunch, which consisted of a piece of toast with peanut butter on it and some french fries on the side, the clock reads 12:57pm. I guess I'm running late for the bonfire, but to be honest, I hate it. All it does is put me in a sad, drunken stupor.

I leave my apartment, shutting the door, and locking it behind me. Evelyn had to go to work, and shouldn't be home before me.

I decide against taking my new car out, as the snow is rough against the wheels and the problems with black ice seem to be getting worse and worse. I throw on my black jacket that I grabbed before exiting my apartment, and start out the front lobby, walking towards the small 'cave' only about four miles away.

The 'cave' is a place we found a while ago in what used to be the Dauntless sector. Everything inside Dauntless remains as it was when the war ended, and I would bet that my old apartment still has the words, _Fear God Alone, _painted on the wall. A few people have moved back into Dauntless, but most took safety as a main priority and now live in the new apartment buildings.

As I near the entrance of Dauntless next to the train tracks, I notice Zeke pushing Shauna carefully down the snowy hill.

"Hey." I announce, walking faster towards them to help with the incredibly hard task of getting Shauna around on her wheelchair in the snow.

Zeke stops quickly and turns around, "Hey, Four. How are you doing today?"

The question is a stupid one, and I can tell he realizes only after he says it. Shauna also takes notice, reaching up and smacking his face without even turning in her seat.

"That was a dumb question, Zeke." She speaks harshly, "Now just get me down the damn hill."

"Here," I say, going to the front of the wheelchair and grabbing both of the side arm rests, carefully picking it up and out of the snow with Zeke's help from the back.

We are silent as we carry her down the hill, only putting her back to the ground when we reach the door. I open it, allowing Zeke and Shauna to go in first.

They lead the way to the 'cave' in complete silence, only the occasional question asked to me, which I use one word answers to help them shut up. Normally I'm not this rude, but today is an exception, and they both know it.

As we get closer and closer, the loud sound of Christina's voice echoes throughout the walls of Dauntless. She makes it sound as though everyone is already there, waiting upon our arrival.

When we finally get into the opening, the fire heating up the cold draft that Dauntless holds, I take my seat immediately, avoiding further questions from Zeke and Shauna. However, I don't miss the glance that Zeke give Christina as he slightly shakes his head side to side.

"So, Four, how's it goin'," Amar speaks up from my right, handing over a bottle of beer, "Anything new?"

"Nope." I answer, opening the beer and taking a swig.

"Alright, well, I guess that's alright." He mumbles looking away from me and at Christina.

I turn my attention to the fire, the way it crackles and occasionally spits out a few embers that light up the cave walls. It mesmerizes me as I stare at the different orangish-red colors illuminating everyone's faces.

"We should get started." Christina announces before taking her seat to the left of mine. "Four, anything this year?"

Silently I shake my head, taking another big gulp of beer, letting it burn as it goes down. I risk a glance at Christina, her face showing true disappointment, but I ignore it.

"Alright, I guess Amar can start." She speaks, looking across from me at Amar.

"Well, as usual I don't have a lot to say as I was at the Bureau way before I knew a lot of you, but I wanted to say one thing this year. Four, I was close with you the year of your initiation, and I saw how much you struggled to fit in with the others. It had surprised me that the kid from Abnegation that had such a terrifying past, and I worried that you would never find a true family to love and who loved you.

"Now, I hadn't known Tris," As her name leaves his lips, I feel a shiver run down my spine, pain stabbing my heart at every beat, "but when I met her, I was overjoyed at how much you and her had come together. I always looked at you as a son in my life, and seeing you so in love, made me so happy. You were her family, and she was your's."

I hold back the emotions that want to flow out of me, and instead take another drink.

Christina smiles at Amar, "Okay, thank you, Amar. George, anything?"

I zone out as George tells multiple stories about him and Tori as children, and he explains the pain of finding out that his sister died right before getting the chance to find him alive. I watch the fire more intently, nursing the beer in my hand.

"Thanks George." Christina states, then looking to the right of George at Peter.

Peter is always one of the hardest to listen to, beside Caleb's. He always talks about how he wishes that he could redo how he acted to Tris, as the stories he's heard are horrible. People have told him about what he had done to her, and he tells us that he hates that he did that everyday. All I'm thankful for is that he's forgotten some of the most painful memories, resulting in, he never shares them because he has no recollection of them.

Next up is Zeke, "God, I miss Uriah. I remember the nights when he couldn't sleep when we were little and he would come into my room. I let him lie in my bed with me for a while, and all we did was talk. We would talk about our future, how he always imagined himself with Marlene. We talked about what it would be like to grow up, to…."

Zeke stops for a minute, letting one of the tears that was building up fall down his cheek, then takes a swig of his own beer.

"To have our own children and new friends. He told me plenty of times that he had a feeling that he was going to fall in love, and that that girl was going to be a partier like him. Uriah was a funny person, and even in the saddest of times, he would find humor to lighten our moods. He would have been a great father and husband, but what I miss the most is his sense of humor."

I look up from the fire, only to realize that Zeke is staring straight at me. The tears are falling down his cheeks, but when I look into his eyes I read a different emotion. He's not accusing me of killing his brother, as I have accused myself, but his face is full of pity.

"Thank you, Zeke, I for one also miss Uriah's humor." Christina says, looking back at the fire.

Everything said from Shauna is a blur, all I know is that she talked about Lynn, Marlene, and Uriah. By the time she finishes and Cara starts talking, I'm on my second bottle. Cara talks about people I never meet before, but were also killed in the war. Eventually she finishes and up next is the one I've been wanting to skip the whole day, Caleb.

I hear Caleb sigh, and when I glance up at him, I notice that he is already crying silently. Finally he starts talking, but he watches me the whole time he does so.

"Tris. Only after I've finally had gotten used to calling her Tris….sh-she dies. I know full well that it has been three years, and those three years I have been riddled with guilt. I should have died that day. Tris had saved so many lives before mine, and she ends up dying because of me. It's my fault. She wouldn't have shot me, I should've just gotten up and taken the gun from her and done the mission myself…..

"I still don't understand why she was willing to do it. She had Four waiting for her, she would have had a life with Four," pain begins to radiate through my being, so I take another huge gulp of beer, "I had no one, and she had Four. Every time I think about her….I think about how I didn't just kill her….but I killed Four too. I mean, Four's still alive, but no one took her death harder than him. So, Four, I'm sorry, as I say every year, and will continue to repeat every year, I'm sorry."

I nod my head, showing that I accept his apology, though his words feel as though they cut through me like knives. I guzzle down about half of the beer in my hand before I lean back in my chair. Silence engulfs us for a while as we sit and reminisce on the old days before our lives were enveloped in grief.

I sigh loudly, gaining everyone's attention before I start talking for the first time at one of these bonfire's, "When her parents died, I noticed a part of her break inside. I knew she was hurting, but everyday since then she seemed almost suicidal. I kind of figured that she was just too selfless for her own good, but as people kept dying around us, I noticed her ability to always be right where harm was. I love her though, regardless. I think the hardest part for me is knowing that we never said goodbye."

Caleb interrupts me, "That doesn't make any sense, you guys were gone from the dormitories all night, and then the day of the mission you two had to have left each other at some point, saying goodbye."

"Yeah well, we never said goodbye, she had told me she loved me, and then I said, 'I love you, too, i'll see you soon.' I had figured that we would see each other when I got back but….that never happened."

I hear Christina to the side of me choke back a sob, "What the hell? How come….how come you never told us?"

"I guess it just hurts to much to talk about, I think that's one of the things that hurts the most." I reply, shaking my head slightly remembering that moment.

That was also the last time I had ever kissed her, and ever will.

**Hi guys, so I haven't posted in quite possibly years, however, I want to get back in the story creating game. This is an idea I had years ago and published on here, although I only got to chapter 6 and then I lost interest and I went through some stuff. I want to actually go along with this now so I'm starting fresh and reposting (a little revised) version of the first 6 chapters and then continue where I left off. Thank you for reading my story, I hope you love it. **

**~Divergent24-7**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

TOBIAS POV:

The cave walls glisten as the light from the fire bounces off the stone, my fourth beer resting in my lap. I'm staring at the fire as everyone around me begins to act more and more intoxicated with every swig of their own drinks. My head is buzzing from the light brown liquid, however the action of drowning in another bottle seems almost sobering when I think of how the rest of tonight will go.

I will get home, change, and pass out on my lonely bed, only to be terrorized again by my dreams of _her_. Suffering. Bleeding. Dying. All burned into my memory over and over again, every night.

Christina catches my attention as she finishes asking me a question I completely missed due to my absent mindedness. I raise my eyebrows, furrowing them together to let her know I have no idea what she just said. Her brown eyes roll with annoyance flashing across her features.

"Would you like me to walk home with you? I was wondering if you wanted me to stay over tonight?"

To anyone else this might sound sexual and a little bit desperate, however I know that she is looking out for me as Christina understands more than probably anyone how much I dread this day. She knows about my nightmares, and ever since she stopped me from drinking that memory serum three years ago, we have got each others backs when it comes to grieving, besides, I know she needs company as much as I do tonight.

"I guess, you can stay in my guest room, but I have work tomorrow," I state, finishing off the last of my beer before placing it on the ground next to the three other bottles.

"Well if you have work tomorrow you should stop drinking and we should head out, it's already eleven."

I sigh, turning my head away from her and gazing straight into the fire for another minute before pushing myself up out of my seat, "Alright let's go."

Zeke, Shauna, Amar, George, and Peter all left a while ago, claiming it was getting too late on a weeknight, and that they have things they need to do tomorrow, and if I am being totally honest, so do I. I should have left with them as I have to get up at six am tomorrow morning, however the idea of going home to a dark empty apartment only to be plagued by torturous images didn't sound anymore appealing than staring into flickering flames for hours.

Christina and I say our goodbyes to Caleb and Cara who anounce they want to stay a little while longer. We exit the cave, me in the lead with Christina trailing not too far behind me, completely engulfed in silence, the only sound being our feet hitting the ground in a rhythmic pattern. However, once we reach about halfway to my apartment, Christina breaks the beautiful sound of nothing.

"It's really cold out, huh." She states, making it almost question like, infuring me to reply in agreement with her small talk.

I just nod my head, shoving my hands in my jacket pockets, trying to keep them away from the biting temperature. Christina begins to walk a little faster so that she can cut me off from continuing down the abandoned street. She places her hands on her hips, glaring me down with a half annoyed, half concerned expression.

"Come on, Four, this is ridiculous."

"What?" I question, my answer irrelevant as I already know what she's about to say.

She huffs out a breath of air, clearly displaying her exasperation, "You can at least talk to me. You know you're not the only one hurting today."

I sigh, knowing full well that I haven't treated her fairly, yet her statement makes me angry, because to be honest I don't think she truly understands my pain. It's not just today that makes my heart ache, it's every night that I dream of _her. _It's every time I think of _her. _It's everyday I wake up to an empty bed, and am reminded again and again that I lost _her. _It's hard. It's beyond hard, it's _excruciating. _And I just don't think Christina understands that part of it.

"Please don't make me talk about it." I beg, hoping she can read my face.

We stand there, in the snow for a minute or two, in complete silence as she studies me, determining if I am worthy of my request. Eventually she agrees, slightly nods her head, then turns around on her heels, heading towards my apartment building.

It only takes about fifteen more minutes until we arrive to my empty home. We both slip off our shoes right next to the front door, than hang our jackets on the hooks right above where we placed our shoes. Silently I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge, its light illuminating my face in the darkness of my house.

The light above me flickers on as Christina flips the switch, then walks up behind me to get a better view of what I am getting from my refrigerator. My hand grasps the cold neck of the beer bottle, pulling it out of the case I bought it in, and then closing the fridge door behind me, and I try to slide past Christina who blocks my way to the couch.

"I thought you said you were gonna go to sleep...and stop drinking." She states, putting both her hands on her hips in a mocking way.

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind." I grunt, bluntly.

She narrows her eyes as she looks at me, staring me down, "Okay, I'm done Four. I can't keep doing this for you. You're a grown ass man. I get that you can get down, but who the hell doesn't. Stop acting like you're the only one who lost something during the war. You're not, we all did."

I don't move, I just stand there, beer in hand, eyes boring into Christina's. She doesn't back down, her large brown eyes just glare right back at me. We stand here for what seems like hours before she finally breaks and glances at the fridge behind me than back at me.

"I am sorry you lost her. I get it. It's hard for you...but it's been _three years_, Four. You need to move on. It's what Tris-"

"Don't say her name."

There is a reason I don't think or speak her name. It's because everytime I do, memories of us, of her, come flooding through my mind, plaguing me with possibilities that will never become.

Christina continues, without the use of _her _name, "It's what she would have wanted. I am sure she would be devastated to find out that the love of her life spent the rest of his life alone because of her. You have to get over this, move on."

I huff, my heart pounding as I think of what _she_ would want from me. However, I also wonder how Christina would know what _she_ would want. I am sure _she_ would want to be alive with me right now, but _she's_ not, _she _doesn't always get what _she_ wants.

I finally speak up, frustrated beyond belief that today, of all days, Christina is telling me this, "What about what I want, huh? You think it's that easy to just, 'get over it', to 'move on'? No, like you said I was the love of _her_ life, and _she_ was mine. Now, how the hell do you expect me to 'move on' from _her. _You don't even understand the half of it."

"I don't understand the half of it?" She questions with an accusatory sarcastic tone, "Will was shot and killed! Not just by anyone either, my best friend! And then right when I begin to get back to normal with Tris," I cringe, "she goes and gets herself killed. How do you think I felt? I had to grieve my boyfriend and my best friend."

Her voice cracks near the end of her rant, tears quickly flooding her eyes as she tries to continue lecturing me.

"She...We...I never got to just sit down with her and talk like best friends should. I never got to gossip about the mean girl with her. Or give her advice about makeup and style. Or brag about our boyfriends to one another. She never got to tell me anything about your relationship because I wasn't there to listen. She did something horrible, yeah, but she didn't have a choice, and I never wanted to see her side of it."

At this point, Christina's entire face seems to be covered in her tears, her dark makeup leaving trails of black down her cheeks. I can feel my throat closing a little as I try to fight the burning sensation in my eyes, the water begging to break through. All I can do is look at Christina for a minute, then grab her arm and drag her to the couch so that we can both sit and do something I may regret later...talk.

She stares at me while I try to figure out the words I want to say to hopefully make her, and me, feel better.

"Christina, I'm not very good with my words, but I know there are things you need to say and I know that there are probably things I need to say so that I'm not just holding this all in all the time. I guess anything is better than going to sleep right now anyway." I brush off, hoping I don't seem too caring, as I don't want her to get the idea in her head that I want to hear about all her dumb work gossip.

I can see the appreciation in her eyes, "Thank you, I really do feel like you talking may get some things off your chest, and the same goes for me. I think we both really need this. Please talk to me, I am constantly worried you're going to attempt to take the memory serum again, or worse, try to be with her."

I sigh, both things have crossed my mind before, but in the end I choose not to for the sake of the little amount of friends I have left, "I won't do that again. It's just that it's hard for me to accept that she's really gone sometimes. I can't look at _her_. I can't touch _her_. I can't talk to _her_. She's just gone...forever."

"I'm sorry, Four. I really am. She should be here right now, here with her friends and you. But don't you think you have to move on at some point. Find someone else, she wouldn't want you to be alone forever, she would want you to grow old with someone, and have kids with someone.

"I know that the first date you go on might be hard, it was for me, but after a while you will get used to not having her around and someone else will fill your mind instead. It helped me tremendously to start dating again, and even now I have a boyfriend who I like a lot, and he treats me right. I still think about Will a ton, but eventually you have to continue, and move on."

Her words sting. I don't want to move on, I only want _her_, and after three years you would think that that would become a known thing amongst our friend group however, Christina has tried to set me up with someone, Zeke has tried, even Evelyn. I just can't do it, I end up telling them I'll go and the girl they send is left hanging when I never show up. They need to stop trying, I won't do it and they should know that by now.

I open my mouth to say something, then close it again, searching my brain for the right way to approach this, "I get that you may be able to move on and be happy, but we are different people. Daniel's good for you, even if you have only been together for 9 months, I can see he makes you happy. I'm sure that _she _is really happy that you are enjoying your life, but I just can't do that. I can't enjoy my life when I know that _she _never got to even live _hers_."

I look down at the beer still in my hand, taking a long swig of it before setting it back in my lap, keeping it close for comfort.

"Tobias," My head whips up at the use of my real name, even though the factions are gone people still call me Four, even my closest friends, "you can't live your life dreaming about what it could have been. There are so many more things out there that you haven't experienced because you're sheltering yourself because of her death."

She stops, shifting her body on the couch so that she faces me, her torso leaning a little further away. I can see the contemplation in her eyes as she thinks about what she's about to say, then I watch as she decides to proceed with whatever she wants to admit or tell me.

"I know that you're a virgin, Four. I get that this is a weird topic for me to bring up, but Zeke told me a while back when we were trying to hook you up, and I know that Tris," cringe, "had a fear of intimacy. I just wanted to give you an example of what I mean when I say you're sheltering yourself. You can't live celibate for the rest of your life, no one can." Christina finishes her sentence, and I feel a wave of heat rise in my neck and cheeks.

This is an awkward thing to speak about with a woman who was my girlfriends best friend, and is two years younger than me. I mean we have gotten close throughout the years, we both had people to grieve and it was easier to have each other through that, but still. I haven't talked about sex since I was with _her_.

And to top all this off, it's not even true. The memories of the last night I had with her come flooding back, and now I can't help but chug the rest of the lukewarm beer resting in my lap. Should I tell her the truth? I haven't talked to anyone about it, and it's a little embarrassing that everyone thinks I'm 21 year old dauntless prodigy virgin. However, would _she _hate me for speaking of such private matters? I guess it doesn't really matter what she thinks though, does it…

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not a virgin." I state, utilizing my Four bluntness, giving off a little anger.

"Uh, that doesn't make any sense." Christina looks confused as she narrows her eyes at me.

I get up off the couch, annoyed at this awkward conversation, and walk back to the kitchen to retrieve my sixth beer of the night.

"Tris never told me." I hear her mumble as I reach into the fridge.

"That's because she never got the chance, she was...gone the next day." I state, popping off the top to the new beer, taking a huge drink, nearly gulping down half the bottle, "I think I'm done talking tonight."

From the living room Christina says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

I sigh, "It's fine, no one does...did."

I finish the bottle then and there, regretting my fast pace as the alcohol burns the back of my throat, but pleased by the buzz it presents in my brain. Then I walk through the living room past Christina who still sits on the couch, watching me as I walk by.

"Goodnight." I say, not making eye contact as I hear her mumble her own goodnight, and I slip into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

**Hey guys, thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the late update, I was extremely busy this past week. I hope you like this chapter!**

**~Divergent24-7**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

TOBIAS POV:

My eyes blur in and out as I glare at the clock on the wall, my head still pounding even though it's already one in the afternoon. No matter how many bottles of water I gulp down my brain is still pissed at me for drinking so much last night when I normally never take a sip of alcohol. I sigh, knowing it's going to be a while until I get off work, although I'm glad it's my lunch break.

I stand up and walk to the mini fridge sitting in the corner of my square office. I reach in and snag the white bag full of my home made lunch, even though I don't feel very hungry. While walking back over to my desk, a knock sounds on the closed door.

"Yeah?" I call out as I sit back down ripping open the bag in front of me, carefully pulling out the sandwich and salad.

The door swings open and Zeke tumbles through it, two bags in one arm and a soda in the other, "Hey man. It's your lunch break right?"

Without me even answering he sits in the chair across from me, plopping the two bags in front of him. He takes a long drink of the soda, raising his eyebrows at the food in front of me.

"Yeah it is. What are you doing here?" I question as Zeke rarely ever comes to the office during lunch breaks, although I know his job allows him to break whenever he wants.

"Well, I wanted to hang out with my friend, is that a crime? Also I'm glad I came because that is a depressing lunch, here."

He tosses one of his own bags at me, and I peer into it, french fries and a burger. I half smile at him, showing him my appreciation, it does look and smell amazing. Also in the bag is a plastic baggy that holds two pills, I grab it and look at Zeke as I hold it up.

"For your hangover. Christina called this morning, she said she was worried about you."

"Christina's always worried." I sigh, praying that she just talked to him about my hangover, though with the mouth on her, I doubt that's the case.

Zeke sits forward in his chair, taking a big bite out of his own burger then says, "And she should be. You're not necessarily known for being a happy-go-lucky person."

I grunt, annoyed that not only do I have Christina prying into my life, but now Zeke too. Why can't they just stay out of my business, yesterday was a hard day, but I don't always act like a suicidal widow.

"Listen dude, I know that you have a right to be upset still, especially yesterday, but it's a little ridiculous that you still don't wanna talk about it."

I roll my eyes, the movement causing my headache to pulse, "Not you too. Why can't I just be a private person. Privacy is still a thing right?"

"Not when you can't even tell your bestfriend that you lost your virginity." Zeke mumbles, popping a fry into his mouth.

"Are you serious. Why the hell would she tell you that? And why on earth would you think that's any of your business?" I nearly yell, beyond angry that Christina doesn't known the meaning of a secret.

Zeke throws his arms in the air, frustrated with me, probably for some dumbass reason, "Because I'm your best friend! Remember when Shauna and I had sex for the first time? I came straight to you to tell you all about it, it's what friends are _supposed_ to do."

"You're turning into Christina, Zeke. Besides it didn't matter anyway because it was the night before everything happened." I state, bluntly with my Four voice, trying to push away all the thoughts that threaten to consume my mind.

Zeke completely ignores my tone and continues to fight me, "But you led me to believe that my friend was a 21 year old virgin."

"I didn't lead you to believe anything, you just assumed."

"Same difference." He sighs, finishing off his burger with one last huge bite.

I roll my eyes, "Can we talk about something else?"

"Okay fine, let's talk about how you never said goodbye." He eyes me, waiting for me to respond to him.

"What do you want me to say Zeke? Do you want me to spill my guts to you? Right here, right now? Tell you about all the pain I feel everyday?" I grunt, questioning his stupid statement.

Zeke sits forward in his chair, elbows now resting on my desk, "Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do. Get it out in the open. Since you refuse to see someone to talk to, you should at least talk to me."

I sit there in silence debating on what I should say, or what I should do. Zeke has always been the type to laugh everything off, or make jokes in serious situations, much like his brother. However, I do believe that I could trust him, and I would much rather talk to him than Christina who just proved for the umpteenth time that she is incapable of keeping things to herself.

Finally I concede, speaking, once again about _her, _"Listen, I know I don't talk about her much, but that's only because when I do it's like all the things we said, all the things we did come rushing back and I feel like I can't breath. This is the last time I'm gonna talk to you about this okay?"

He nods his head in agreement, tentatively listening to my words.

"She was something I never expected would come into my life, but when she did, everything changed. She made me a better person, with every interaction that we had, I became the person I had always longed to be. It was as though I had found myself, even though we had to keep our relationship a secret at first, I'm sure you and others noticed a difference. I was...was broken before her, and I don't know, or understand how, but she was beginning to fix me.

"But when she...when she died, it was like I was ripped open. Everything she'd stitched back together had tore open again and into an even bigger void. I felt empty, and I still feel empty. Zeke, she was it. She was my family, the love of my life, and now that I don't have her and never will, I don't want anyone else. I'm done with that portion of my life, and if there is an afterlife, I want to save myself until I find her in it. I loved her. I _love_ her, and I know that no one can ever replace that spot in me that is now gone forever."

I feel weird, my thoughts barely corresponding with my mouth as I spill the deepest parts of my soul to Zeke. Never have I ever spoken to him in this type of way, heartfelt and broken. I haven't spoken to anyone this way really, I even had a hard time talking to _her_ like this. However, Zeke pays attention to every word I say, no judgement in his eyes, no pity, just pure sadness as he clings to my emotional tone.

We both sit still, engulfed in silence that causes me to look anywhere but him, my neck turning red as I shift awkwardly in my chair. This is why I don't like talking about how I feel, especially because I feel so strongly toward this situation. I, Four, never speak like this, causing the room to become uncomfortable, at least for me.

"Tobias," again I cringe, not accustomed to hearing my real name being used since _she_ spoke it last, "I honestly had no idea. I'm sorry I didn't fully understand how much you loved her. I never really thought about that because in the years before you met Tris, you refused to go on double dates, or even just date in general. I figured that you loved her, but I hadn't assumed that she had effected you to the extent she had….

"She was a special person and if you wish that I stay out of it now, I will, for you and also for Tris. She deserved the best, and I'm glad she got to experience the last few months of her life with you. I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, I don't either, hell I doubt any guy likes to. But I'm glad you finally told me this, because I finally feel like I understand for the most part what it has been like for you. Shit, if I lost Shauna, I don't know what I would do…"

"And I hope you never have to experience what it's like." I state, looking down at my half eaten burger that was forgotten about.

He nods his head pursing his lips at the thought of having to live without the love of his life...like I do. We both are silent for a minute, and then Zeke speaks up, reminding me why I'm friends with him.

"Dude you should have seen what happened this morning. It was insane…."

Zeke changes the subject, allowing for a normal conversation between us. I admire his ability to lighten the mood, changing the subject effortlessly, allowing for a less awkward topic. The rest of our lunch break continues with Zeke's crazy work story and my quiet listening.

_Tris sits across from me on our bed, her light blonde hair cascading down her shoulders and back, her eyes wide, the beautiful mixture of grey and blue trained right on me. I shiver as she licks her lips, probably just to wet them, however all the action does is attract my attention. _

"_Tobias," she whispers, her hand ghosting over my knee, "please, please for me."_

_I furrow my eyebrows, my hand reaching out to caress her face to comfort her, but instead it just skims right through her as though she was water, "Tris, what is happening." _

"_Tobias, you can't, please just...just don't." She begs as she leans forward to rest her other hand on my face._

_I can't feel her touch, which makes me question what the hell is going on, but her beautiful face pulls me in and I don't ask what is happening anymore. I just awe at her beauty, her flawlessness. _

"_Please just move on. You deserve so much better." She pleads, her angelic voice laced with pain, but her face remained stoic. _

"_Tris, I love you." I speak, ignoring her pleas, wishing I could touch her, or at least feel her touch on my skin._

_She sighs, "You can't. Not anymore. You need to move on. Don't dwell on the past. Move on." _

_My eyes narrow at her, anger bubbling in my stomach. Why is she saying this? I watch as her hands grab the comforter that was wrapped around her lap, and she pushes it off of her and onto me. Tris's blue, grey orbs trail my body, before meeting my face again, she smiles, a painful smile. _

_Then I hear a bang. _

_Blood seeps through her tight, white t-shirt, a small bullet hole appearing where her torso should be. I reach to grab her out of harm's way, attempting to hold my hand to the wound to stop the bleeding, but I still can't touch her, and my hand wafts through her again. _

_Another bang sounds. Then another. _

_She falls forward with the force of the bullets, face first into the sheets. My hands have begun to reach for her, all to no avail. I can't touch her, can't help her, can't save her. She turns over so that she's face up, her head slightly tilted back as her eyes meet mine. I'm screaming, trying all I can to help as she lays there staring at me._

"_Remember what I said. Goodbye, Tobias." _

_And that's it, my strained attempts to hold her become more and more panicked as her body begins to dissipate into thin air. I'm screaming her name, but no one is listening._

My heart races as I wake up, my body drenched in sweat. I turn over onto my side, holding my aching chest. Why do I always dream of her? Why can't I escape the pain that is radiating throughout my body?

Obviously talking to Zeke today didn't help my emotional state as he'd hoped it would, as I wouldn't have dreamt of her dying. I close my eyes, but the image of her bleeding in the sheets burns my vision.

I throw the covers off of me, abruptly flinging my legs over the side of the bed as I sit up. Standing, I get a wave of nausea as I see her face in my mind again and again, the torturous look in her eyes as she got shot.

I stumble to the dining room, tossing myself in a chair, staring out the open window, the view of the city something most would awe at, however, I can't help the single tear the trails down my face as I think about how _she _will never be able to enjoy this view. The city lights dancing on the streets straight ahead, the new buildings towering over each other. I miss her, and I doubt that will ever change no matter how much I talk about it.

**Hey guys, hope you like this chapter. Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate all of you.**

**~Divergent24-7**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

TRIS POV:

Pain. Agony. That's all I can register. My eyelids feel as though they weigh a ton, and it takes every muscle I have to be able to move my fingers to form a fist. Once I do, however, I can't stop the excessive clenching as another wave of pain takes over. Every nerve in my body is on fire, and I can feel every vein as if poison was rushing through them. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears loud and clear, as well as feel the throbbing of it throughout my body. It only takes a second for me to realize I'm not getting any air in my lungs, and I gasp for anything to satisfy my need for oxygen.

Once they finally inflate, no satisfaction is granted as some type of liquid fills them causing me to choke, my gasping becoming harsh weezing. Not too soon after I begin convulsing as I try again and again to rid the water that occupies my lungs. I can feel the slimy liquid trail down my cheeks as it exits out of my mouth with every cough, the taste burning my tongue. I attempt to breath back in, but the feeling of water taking over my lungs floods me again.

"Good...only a few more minutes now," I hear a voice off to my left speak, saying something more that I miss due to the attention grabbing torture.

I try to listen as they continue to speak, but I cough up more liquid, and I can feel it beginning to fall out of my nose as well.

"Matthew, it's coming out of her nose and ears now too!" The same voice yells from beside me, now causing me to feel the liquid running from my ears down my neck.

"That's a good sign, the serum is finding its way out of her body." I hear a voice I recognize state from my right.

Then, in an instant, it's as if a vacuum has sucked all the water out of my lungs, then taken the weight off of me, and I become free of all the agony, my body finally resting in place, the sound of my heartbeat slowing in my ears. I crack my eyes open, using most of my strength, then immediately close them again when I'm meet with a bright light.

I attempt, again, to peer out of the blackness that swallows me, slower this time, and I'm meet with extremely blurry surroundings.

"Welcome back." He says, smiling warmly while placing a white towel in my still clenched fist.

I glance at the towel then back at Matthew, _What the hell is going on?_

"Oh, I'm sorry, you are probably really confused. Don't worry, my assistant is going to get you some water, that will help with your throat, and as for everything else….it's going to take a while to explain, so for now let's wait for your water." He explains, taking the towel from my non-moving hand and wiping my face off for me.

After about three minutes, a guy with bright blue eyes and blonde hair rushes back into the room carrying a bottle of water. He holds the straw in front of my mouth, allowing for me to sit up slightly and take big gulps of the refreshing liquid. I finish the bottle in what seems like a matter of seconds, my throat crying out to me for more.

The man pulls out another bottle from his large lab coat pockets, twisting the cap off and placing the staw in the new one, holding it up to my lips again. I only leave about an inch left of water in that bottle before I plop my head back down onto the pillow.

"W-what...happened?" I ask, my voice rough and scratchy, the syllables barely escaping my mouth.

Matthew looks at the blonde man, telling him something silently with his eyes, then looks back at me. Blondy walks away right afterward, leaving Matthew and I alone in a room with many different types of equipment. It's only now that I realize I sit in what looks like a hospital room, my arms connected to many different types of IV's, and wires run underneath the white gown I wear, stuck to my chest. I can hear the sound of my heartbeat on a monitor to my left, while Matthew stares at me from the right.

"Where am I?" I question, the monitor catching the slight increase of my heart rate.

"Well...you died...three years ago." Matthew says slowly, acting as though I'm a time bomb ready to explode, "Before you freak out, let me explain. You died after taking your brothers spot in the mission. You made it through the death serum which is practically unheard of, then when you got into the room and were about to hit the button to release the memory serum David shot you three times. Once in your leg, once in your stomach, and the last one through your neck. I'm the one that found you dead, and I'm also the one that fixed the wounds while you were dead."

This doesn't make any sense. How can I be dead, but alive right now. If I died, and was dead for three years, how did I end up here? What happened to everyone?

Tobias...where's Tobias?

My eyes widen at the realization of my situation. I need Tobias, where is he? Shouldn't he be here? Did he not want to wait any longer for me to be...brought back to life? Did he give up on me? I don't understand what is happening.

"Tobias…" I croak out, my eyes pleading with Matthew, I need him.

Matthew places his hand on mine, trying to calm me to no avail, "After you… 'passed', I allowed for Tobias to see your body one last time, then sent him back into city with what he and your friends assumed to be your ashes."

"He thinks...I'm dead?"

Matthew nods his head sadly, yes, then continues, "We all agreed that it would be inhumane to give him hope that you could come back. So we made sure he knew you were dead, as you really were, but instead of cremating you, we incubated your body, keeping it at a temperature that didn't allow it to decompose. We also continued to give it nutrients for three years while we made a serum that I call the Revival Serum.

"We injected it intravenously, and it uses your divergence as a pump to drive it into your bloodstream, then eventually into your heart. It makes its way very slowly through your inferior vena cava, and then through the chambers of your heart as though it is blood, teaching your heart how to beat again, beginning the flow of blood. Once your heart starts again, the serum makes its way to your brain, stimulating you cerebellum and then lastly your limbic system which regenerated your memories. Then, as you just felt, the serum fills your lungs, attempting to get them to inflate again, and finally finds a way to escape your body as you...for a lack of a better term...wake from the dead."

"So...I really was dead?" I ask my voice beginning to clear out, and Matthew nods his head, "Will Tobias be told?"

"We don't plan on telling him something like this over the phone, so instead, in about one to two weeks when we clear you, I will be driving you and Uriah back to Chi-"

"Uriah? What happened to him?" I question, confused as to why Uriah would be here with Matthew instead of with his family.

"Uriah died soon after you did, Zeke and his mom decided to unplug him. He's awake now though due to the Revival Serum...actually, he's been waiting for you to wake up, he's been awake for about three weeks now, and has been fully cleared." He explains while simultaneously checking my monitor across the bed. "Would you like to try and get cleaned up? Or maybe get some real clothes on?"

I nod my head even though my body feel heavier than ever, I can feel the sweat caked on my skin from the intense torture of my revival. Matthew helps me, taking the sheet that was placed over my body and folding it all the way down at my feet. He then grabs a remote that allows for my bed to sit me upright. Then by taking my numb legs, and swinging them over the side, he assists me in sitting up on my own. Every part of my body is screaming at me, an aching feeling washing over my entire being.

When my feet hit the ground, a shiver runs down my spine at the feeling of the cold floor against my soft feet. Matthew supports my back and elbow and we slowly walk towards the bathroom that is connected to my infirmary room. He helps me inside, and closes the lid on the toilet, allowing for me to sit, my weak back resting against it. I sigh, as he pulls new clothes out of the cabinet and places them in my lap for me.

"Would you like me to go grab one of my female assistants, she can help you take a shower and put these on." He offers, standing in the doorway ready to leave.

"No, I'll do it."

"Are you sure? Your body is gonna be weak for a while, I honestly doubt you can even stand righ-"

"Yes I'm sure. Thank you."

He nods his head reluctantly, then leaves, closing the door behind him, leaving me to my own thoughts and feelings. Gradually I stand up, my legs wobble as I latch my hand onto the counter in front of the mirror. Slowly I take one hand and untie the gown in the back, allowing it to fall from my body, leaving me with only underwear on. At first I refuse to look at myself, scared of the person that will stare back at me, but when I finally look at my naked body in the mirror, I'm not as shocked as I expected to be.

My muscles have vanished, and instead my ribs stick out way too far. My short blonde hair has somehow grown out to about just below my chest, but it's all tangled and knotted, so I believe that when I get it cleaned it will be longer. My eyes are bloodshot, but the same stormy blue irises stare back at me. I'm relieved I don't look like I've been dead for three years as I half expected to see a decomposing corpse in the mirror.

After about half an hour of staring at my reflection, I finally decide to step into the shower and wash my hair and body with warm water as I feel extremely overdue for a shower. I end up sitting down on the floor of the tub, letting the water splash my back with a relaxing rhythm. My thoughts begin to wirl out of control as the room continues to become silent, the only sound being the water hitting my back.

Tobias has believed that I have been dead for three year…._three years_. How is he gonna react when I finally get to see him again? Is he gonna be happy? Or is he gonna be pissed at me for leaving him. I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't want to talk to me, or see me.

What if he's moved on? Has he found someone else to love? The selfless part of me hopes that he hasn't wasted three years of his life hung up on me, however the more dominant side of me wishes that he still grieves me enough to not have moved on. How can I live if I get to him and he's with someone else? I won't be able to watch that.

I glance down at my body, the long scar on my leg looks as though it finished healing a long time ago, however it still displays a nasty ridged line from the probable many stitches I recieved. My eyes close as the memory of getting shot there flashes through my mind.

Why did I go? Why did I risk my life to save my traitor brothers'? Why did I leave Tobias?

As much as I ask myself these questions, I already know the answer. I could have never let Caleb go to his imminent death, that's just not who I am. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I voluntarily watched my brother walk into a room he would never return out of.

My eyes begin to water, the tears pouring out of my still closed eyelids. They travel down my face, eventually joining the water that splashes off my back. I pull my knees into my bare chest, hugging them the best I can as I cry out into them.

How could I do this to Tobias? He deserved so much more…

After about thirty minutes of drowning in my sorrow, I hear a knock on the door, just loud enough to reach my ears past the sound of the water rushing out of the showerhead.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice once again raspy from a mixture of crying and soreness.

"Tris?" It's Uriah, his voice is soft as he cautiously asks for me, "Do you need help? Matthew told me you finally woke up."

"No, I'll be out in a minute."

I hear footsteps walk away from the door, as I attempt to stand again, failing as I nearly fall flat on my face. I end up crawling out of the tub, glad no one was in there to witness the embarrassing weakness my body conveys right now.

I sit on the floor reaching over and grabbing the towel and clothes I placed on the toilet lid before I got in, drying myself off the best I could. Then I take the bra and underwear that were provided for me, sliping them on slowly. Next comes the white skin tight t-shirt, and the grey sweatpants.

Once I get the clothes on to the best of my ability, I grab the lip of the tub, gripping it with all my strength as I pull myself into a kneeling position. As I try to stand however, my legs give out and I end up slapping my hip and elbow on the hard floor. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to succumb to the pain that radiates throughout my body as I grit my teeth.

Blowing the air I was holding in out of my lungs, I allow for my elbow and hip to throb as I call out for Uriah who hopefully stayed in my room, "Uriah, can you help me really quick?"

I can hear his feet hit the ground as he gets closer to the bathroom door, and finally it creaks open slowly.

Uriah looks older. His hair just a little longer than the last time I saw him, and his eyes hold more weight than I ever remember them holding before. His body is thin under his baggy clothes, and as he shuffles into the bathroom I notice a small limp.

"Tris, are you alright?" He asks, worry clouding his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just hard to stand, can you help me?"

He bends down next to me, grabbing me under my armpits like a toddler, pulling me into a standing position. I grapple onto the side of the sink, putting all my weight on the counter as Uriah gradually lets go of me, allowing me to - kind of - stand on my own.

"Thank you," I say, barely above a whisper.

He smiles lightly, nodding his head, acknowledging my appreciation, "I'm really glad to see you awake, Tris."

"I am glad to see you too, I never thought I would honestly." Only realizing after I said it how that may have sounded.

He laughs lightly though, "Yeah, I guess we're just lucky huh?"

"I guess." I speak softly, looking in the mirror at Uriah and my reflections, "Uh...would you mind maybe brushing my hair? I don't think I can reach the back."

"Sure."

He reaches into the first drawer underneath the vanity, grabbing the comb from it, and gently begins to brush out my long hair. It has grown a lot, reaching about two or three inches above my belly button. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of my hair being brushed.

Even though we didn't have a reunion like most may have assumed, I believe that this is because it doesn't seem like that long ago to either of us that we vanished. I also think that we are both silently terrified of what our loved ones are going to say when we wind up back in their lives. So, for now, we both bask in the silence, soaking in the calming feeling of something as normal as brushing my hair.

**Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry that in my last chapter the line I put as a page break didn't appear so it went straight into Tobias's dream, I hope it didn't confuse you guys too much, I'm sorry about that. I really appreciate all your reviews, they mean a lot to me, thank you so much. **

**~Divergent24-7**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

TRIS POV:

It's been two weeks. Two weeks since I, as Uriah so delicately puts it, woke from the dead. Uriah has been hanging in my infirmary room a lot recently, and we've begun to get back to our normal dynamics of poking fun at each other. Matthew offered to take Uriah back to his family a week ago, but Uriah insisted that he wanted to wait with me. I partially believe that he's slightly nervous about going back, as he always questions what I think Zeke will say.

I, on the other hand, am terrified of seeing Tobias. What is he gonna say to me? What would I have said to him if he had done this to me? I honestly don't know what's gonna happen, and not knowing is killing me.

A knock sounds on the door, three quick rasps is all it takes for both Uriah's and my heads to shoot towards it. I call out a quick, "Yeah?", allowing for them to enter as we both sit in silence now waiting for whoever it is. I don't normally get any visitors other than Uriah, and the nurses tend to just barge in.

Matthew enters the room, sans his normal lab coat attire, sporting casual jeans and a t-shirt. He nods his head in a greeting, walking towards the foot of my bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, raising his eyebrows as he looks at the heart monitor and other equipment around me.

I sigh, "Fine, just want to get out of here."

"Not long now. I've heard that your making a great recovery, I just want you to gain a little more weight before we go anywhere," he pauses turning towards Uriah, "actually, I want both of you to gain a little weight. According to your last weigh-in...yesterday, I want, you, Tris to gain fifteen pounds, and Uriah, only four pounds please."

"That's gonna take a while isn't it?" I question, frustration radiating throughout me at the thought of having to wait any longer to leave this hell hole.

"Yeah, to healthily gain fifteen pounds, it may take a little bit, depending…" he pauses thinking, "maybe in like two to three weeks we can plan on getting you guys out of here."

I roll my eyes, why is my weight a concern, I feel fine. They even took out my IV's, and are just occasionally monitoring my vitals to make sure there's no delayed effects of the revival serum. I shouldn't be holding Uriah back this long, he wants to see his family, I know it. Also, no matter how terrified I am, I still long for Tobias.

"Matthew, I can't wait that long. We need to tell them we're alive. Why can't I just gain the weight after we go back to Chicago?" I question, slightly begging with him to let us go back.

He glances between Uriah and I, giving us looks of pity, "I don't know. I'm worried about you leaving in such a fragile state. Not only is your body adjusting to movement again, but you're thin, and your bones are frail. I don't want you falling over and breaking a leg."

I sigh, my head falling back against the pillows behind me, a little bit of frustration and desperation coursing through me. I just want to see him, hear his voice, know how he's doing. Yes I'm terrified to confront him about what happened, and why I chose what I did, but...I miss him.

I don't notice the tear that travels down my face until Uriah sits up in his chair, grabbing my hand in an attempt to comfort me. Using the back of my hand, I rub the tear away, swallowing the lump that is accumulating in my throat.

Looking over at Uriah, I notice he's already staring at me, the same pity look cast over his, usually, joyful brown eyes. We sit in silence for a minute, Uriah trying to comfort me while I push my feelings down.

Eventually Uriah speaks up, "Please just let us go home a little early, I promise I'll keep an eye on her so that she gains weight, and doesn't fall and crack a bone. We both just miss our families. How about we stay like another 4 to five days? That way you can run some last tests on her, and then we can be on our way."

Matthew glances to the side for a minute, contemplating his offer, before saying, "What about a week. One week and then we can set out for Chicago...and I also will give you guys something."

"What do you mean?" I say, clearing my throat to avoid a crack.

"I think I found a way to get back into the cities security cameras. If you guys are up for it, we can check up on Tobias and Zeke. All your friends if you really want to."

Uriah hops out of his chair, clearly excited by the concept, "Hell yeah, lets go."

I stay laying down, my thoughts running wild at such an innocent idea, thousands of questions racing through my mind. Am I ready to see how he's held up all these years? Will it make me feel worse or better? Is he going to be pissed if we look? That's an invasion of privacy, right?

Both Uriah and Matthew are staring at me, waiting for me to make a movement, or a sound, but I'm stuck. I feel wrong looking at surveillance footage of someone who doesn't know they're being watched, even if it is someone I love.

"What are you waiting for, Tris? You can see him, maybe get some answers so that you're not going in blind, you know? I just want to see what Zeke's up to these days, where he works, what he's doing. Don't you wanna know the same about Four?" Uriah questions me, walking back over to the side of my bed, pleading down at me.

"I guess…" I mumble, still unsure of the right thing to do, however, I figure I'll go and at least see Zeke since Uriah wants to.

Matthew comes over to us, dragging a wheelchair with him, and placing it at the side of my bed. I sigh, exasperated at the idea of being wheeled around.

"I don't need that, I've been going on walks around the infirmary everyday." I state, swinging my legs over the side, sitting up right.

"Well the surveillance office is basically on the other side of the building, I think it would be easier if you were to just suck it up and ride in the wheelchair for now."

I grunt, plopping myself in the wheelchair, too lazy to fight him on it. Uriah wheels me around the bureau, Matthew leading us. I try not to think of all the things that happened here, places I see that remind me of what feels like not too long ago. We roll past where Uriah was injured, the explosions hole is now filled, and a new wall and floor are in place, making it look as though nothing happened there. We also walk past the room Tobias and I stayed in the night before I 'died'.

Eventually we end up in the surveillance room, computers that now seem inactive are layered around the walls, a giant desk spanning from one side of the room to the other. Matthew gently grabs two rolling chairs from the side wall and places them in front of the main part of the desk that holds a computer so large that it takes up almost an entire wall. Uriah rolls me next to the chairs on the far left side, while he takes the seat on the far right.

Matthew sits in between us, pulling out the keyboard and mouse, plugging them into the large computer screen. He then hits a button on the side, causing the screen to light up with a logo in the center. After a few seconds, he begins to type words that don't make any sense to me, and as I look at Uriah, I can tell by the confusion on his face that he's just as baffled.

We wait in silence as the computer comes to life, many tiny films of footage in boxes displaying on the screen. Matthew then starts to type more nonsense before turning to glance between Uriah and I.

"Which of you would like to go first? I'm going to have to pull up their files and then look at where they work and where they could possibly be to view them. It's possible they may not even be out right now, and in that case, we'll have to try again some other time."

Looking across Matthew at Uriah, I already see him looking at me. I don't mind him going first, as my nerves are already firing, telling me that this could be a really bad idea. What if he's with another girl? What if I have to watch him be in love with someone else?

I push those thoughts away and raise my eyebrows at Uriah as I say, "You can go first, I kinda want to see what Zeke's up to too."

He smiles softly at me, gratitude radiating off of him. Matthew clicks a few buttons before pulling up a file labeled, Ezekiel Pedrad. Opening it, there is a quick overview of who it is, including legal documents such as his birth certificate. I quickly scan the information:

Ezekiel (Zeke) Pedrad

Born: March 5th, 21 years old.

Family: Son of David (deceased) Pedrad and Hana Pedrad. Older brother of Uriah (deceased) Pedrad.

Occupation: Police Officer; partner John Rickle

Marital Status: Engaged; Shauna Michaelson

Home: Hancock Building, apt. 234

I cringe. The idea that it has been three years not fully hitting me until just now. Zeke is engaged to Shauna and is 21 years old. Technically, I am 19 years old, even though it feels like just yesterday I was 16 and still learning how to live my life. That's three years of growth that Tobias and Zeke both have under their belts that Uriah and I are now lacking. How am I supposed to just blend back in with society when I missed so much. I don't even know what being a police officer entails.

The screen in front of me changes, grabbing my attention. Matthew searches for specific places, such as the streets around the Hancock building and the police station. It isn't until Matthew goes into the footage of a street that is just south of the Hancock building that we see someone that resembles what Zeke used to look like. The footage is fuzzy, but the person is pushing someone in a wheelchair.

Uriah points at the screen quickly, telling Matthew to stop before leaning forward and staring at the footage of Zeke pushing Shauna down the street. We all watch, silence enveloping us as Zeke casually walks towards an automatic door to some type of building. The doors slide open, and he walks inside, disappearing from the screen.

Matthew types a little bit more before pulling up the buildings cameras, quickly finding where Zeke went. They are in an aisle of a grocery store with cereal around them, both of them speaking to each other and pointing at different brands.

Zeke looks older. His hair is longer and he's grown out a scruffy beard, but even though the footage isn't the best, it's clear that he has been through a lot. He looks tired, but still smiles at Shauna with the same love and admiration I remember. They continue their simple task, one that causes me to smile.

Even though it seems like such a boring and 'vanilla' thing to do, grocery shoping together, it reminds me that I miss even the simplest of moments. My mom cutting my hair, my dad reading the newspaper, my brother and I doing dishes, Tobias and I laying side by side, the only sound being our breaths. I miss it. I miss it all.

We continue to snoop on Zeke and Shauna until they leave the store, and I glance at Uriah who is silently watching, his eyes big and filled with a mixture of grief and happiness. Matthew pauses the screen on the image of Shauna saying something to Zeke, which causes him to laugh out loud. Uriah smiles wide at that image, and my heart squeezes with joy.

"I'm glad he didn't let my death ruin his relationship with Shauna. I think they are great for each other." He speaks his first words since seeing his brother on surveillance footage.

About a minute of dead silence later, Uriah looks over at me, smiling kindly, and telling Matthew he can look for Four now. I rub my hands on my pant leg, attempting to rid the sweat that is accumulating there from nerves. I don't know if I'm ready yet.

I don't say anything as Matthew pulls up the search bar and types in his name. I sit in silence as he pulls up his information, my eyes taking in every bit of detail twice.

Tobias (Four) Eaton

Born: December 4th, 21 years old

Family: Son of Marcus Eaton and Evelyn Johnson. No known siblings.

Occupation: VP Reconstruction of Chicago Project, office located at the Sherin building, office number 10.

Marital Status: Single

Home: Hancock building apt. 046

Born Faction: Abnegation

Final Faction: Dauntless

My eyes are stuck to the information. He lives in the same apartment building as Zeke and what exactly does his job title involve? He's the Vice President of a project? I previously never had the knowledge of when his birthday was, or mine for a matter of fact. Also the word, "Single" keeps catching my eye. Does that mean that he is truly single? Or do they only provide information of an engagement or marriage? Could he have a girlfriend?

I sigh, my nerves still running wild as Matthew exits out of the information, and continues back to the footage screens. He searches through what looks like an office building, and down streets. Matthew even pulls up the lobby of the Hancock building, but there is no luck. I begin to lose hope, my heart slowing it's racing speed, my body sagging further in the chair.

After about thirty minutes of looking Matthew turns to me, "I don't think he's out today. He must be in his apartment. I'm sorry Tris."

I try to muster an appreciative smile, but I sure there is sorrow mixed in as I slowly nod my head in defeat but acceptance. Before he exits the screen though, I make a quick request.

"Is it possible that we can look back at his office? It said it was in the Sherin building, office number 10. I think we scrolled through it already, but I just...can I just look at it?" I state, wanting to at least see a glimpse of what he does.

"Sure." Matthew says, quickly pulling the image up.

It almost looks like a picture as there is no movement throughout the office. The camera is positioned so that I can view the table top, as well as his computer screen, which is currently just black. I notice the simplicity of his desk, the organized papers and lack of personal items make it look almost as though no one works in there.

There is no homey feel to the room, nothing that signalizes that Tobias resides in there quite often. I almost question if he even goes into work, however I notice that the rolling chair pushed in has a coat on it. Then I am reminded of his upbringing. Much like mine, in abnegation we were required to keep little personal belongings and have everything organized all the time. I frown when I think about how Marcus pushed that harder than any abnegation parents did, the result is this sad looking office.

Matthew breaks my thoughts as he speaks up, "We can try again tomorrow Tris. It will be a monday which most likely means he'll be at work."

I sigh and nod my head sadly, turning away from the footage of the empty office. All I want right now is to see him, but I guess I'll just have to wait another 24 hours.

**Hi guys, thank you so much for your amazing comments. I really appreciate them all. I also appreciate every single read that this story gets. I am so sorry about not uploading last week, as I've been trying to update every Sunday, I just worked a lot and didn't have the time. I hope you like this chapter, and thank you again for reading.**

**~Divergent24-7**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

TRIS POV:

I roll over in my bed for what seems like the millionth time, trying to find a position that will lull me to sleep, but no matter where I lay, my eyes refuse to shut. Every time they finally accomplish the small task, they are haunted with images of what could be. Tobias sad and lonely, going through the motions of everyday. And on the flip side, Tobias happy and kissing another girl, clearly moved on. What will I see when I finally am able to take a peek into what his life has been like these past few years?

Matthew let me know that he was gonna swing by at around noon to take Uriah and me back to the surveillance room. He says that Tobias should be at work at around nine in the morning, so hopefully we can catch him before his lunch break at one. It's a little weird that Matthew can know all these details about Tobias's work life, but I shrug it off as something he researched to help me.

I sit up in the bed, the sheets falling into my lap as I glance at the clock on the wall to my left. It's currently 3:34 in the morning, and somehow I am annoyed with the idea of sleep. So instead, I swing my legs over the side of the bed, gently standing onto my feet. Maybe a walk will take my mind off of Tobias, and his mysterious life.

I make my way out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind me, my legs a little wobbly at the continuous, but cautious, foot to ground contact. I start down the hall, towards the exit doors, but before I can even take five steps, a young looking nurse stops me.

"Hey Miss, where are you going?" She quireys, her eyebrows raising as she holds her clipboard closer to her chest.

"I just wanted to go for a walk, couldn't sleep." I speak, a small glimmer of hope sparking in my chest when she gives me a pitty smile.

The nurse then walks over to the chart hanging on the door to my room, grabbing it and scanning through it really quickly, "Oh, you're Beatrice Prior?", she asks without looking at me.

"Just Tris." I state, nodding my head.

She raises her eyes from my chart, giving my a slight nod of approval, "Well, Tris, I'm not sure you should be walking around at this time of night, you need to be sleeping. I can bring you something that can help."

I contemplate her offer for a second, but eventually decline, "No that's okay, I'd like to just walk around a little if that's okay."

I ask for her approval even though I will go either way, but she gives me the go ahead, so I throw an appreciative smile her way, and start back down the hall. Making it past the exit feels like I can breath again, the air fresh filling my lungs, compared to the constant smell of bleach and death.

I wander down the hallways, mostly watching my feet as I go, my mind plagued with the same thoughts I had while laying in that bed. What should I do? I don't even know where I'm going, or where I am for that matter. I'm just walking, or stumbling as my feet are struggling to keep up with me.

Eventually I find a door that seems familiar to me, and only when I open it do I realize why. The couch is in the same spot, staring at me as though it can remember exactly what happened there. I feel the knot tighten in my throat as I slowly make my way over to it, sitting down, my back against the soft cushion.

Flashes of that night appear in my memories as I bask in feeling that that night brought me. How he loved me. How he cherished me. How he made me feel like we were the only people in the world. That was one of the best nights of my life, I felt so alive, though, looking back it's ironic that it was also my last night "alive". Now I'm someone that came back from the dead.

What if he is disgusted by me now? I was dead for three years. Who wants someone who was physically dead for _three years._

I sigh, my body weak from the walk that I took, my feet throbbing at the unfamiliar use. My body falls to the side, my head resting against the armrest of the couch, my eyes suddenly feeling heavier as I'm overwhelmed with exhaustion. I didn't walk more than a mile, but it's enough for me to feel the effects of the exercise, and my eyes slowly shut, my thoughts turning into dreams.

~page break~

"Where could she be?" I'm startled awake by someone's voice echoing through the halls, and into the room I currently reside in.

Confused by my surroundings, I sit up quickly, glancing around me. The memories of last night present themselves in my mind as I remember where I am. What time is it? I look around the room in hopes of finding a clock, pleased when I see the red numbers, and then panicked when I read what they say, "12:45."

Shit.

I get up quickly, making my way out of the room and into the hallways that I wandered through last night. I pick up the pace when I hear the sound of someone yelling my name.

"I'm right here!" I try to shout back, hoping they can find me and stop screaming out.

As I round the corner, I see both Matthew and Uriah in a full on frenzie, flailing their arms while running back and forth between doors, glancing in the rooms and shouting my name. They both come to a halt when they see me, relieved looks crossing both of their faces.

"Where the hell were you?" Uriah speaks first, putting his hands on his knees as he takes a few deep breaths in as though he just ran a marathon.

"I went for a walk last night...I guess I fell asleep in one of the rooms." I state, slightly embarrassed that they were running though the halls disturbing people because I wasn't where I was supposed to be.

"You can't just leave your room in the middle of the night. I told you that you shouldn't be walking much, and you ventured all the way over here? This is like a full mile from your room. You walked a mile last night without shoes?" Matthew throws at me, clearly exasperated.

"I couldn't sleep."

He just rolls his eyes at me, sighing heavily as he glances at Uriah next to him, "Can you help her walk back to her room."

"Wait, I thought we were going to the surveillance room at noon. It's 12:45." I state, putting my hand out to reject Uriah's help.

"Well I'd like for you to use a wheelchair since you decided to go on a long walk last night." He states, but I shake my head no.

"You said he gets a lunch break at one, that means that he's gonna be leaving soon. Please. Lets just go straight there. Uriah will help me," I say, glancing at Uriah who is currently staring at me, taking the hint and nodding his head at Matthew.

"Yeah. Come on, Matthew. Lets just go there, I'll carry her if that makes you feel better." Uriah sticks up for me, bending down as though I'm supposed to hop on his back.

"No, no. Don't carry her. You shouldn't be doing any lifting." He then looks at me and genuinely asks, "You promise you feel okay?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Alright, let's go I guess." He states, starting down the hallway opposite of me.

The computer's clock, when we arrive in the surveillance room, reads 12:54, and I start to panic slightly that I'm not going to get the chance to see him today either. Matthew immediately starts typing away, bringing the computer to life as he searches for all the current footage. Once he finds it, he goes onto the search bar and puts in the address of Tobias's office.

My heart starts racing as I hold my breath in anticipation of this moment. Is he gonna look completely different? What am I gonna see? The screen changes, a light flashing before the camera becomes more focused on the empty office.

_Empty _office.

He's not there.

I can feel the tears springing in my eyes as I realize this may mean I need to wait another 24 hours to see him, and that's if Matthew is able to do this tomorrow. I sit back further in my rolling chair, crossing my arms over my chest, attempting to mask the disappointment that radiates throughout my body.

Matthew turns to me, pitty showing in his eyes as he begins to speak, "I'm sorr-"

"Wait guys." Uriah says, leaning closer to the film.

I whip my head back towards the screen just in time to see the door knob pulled down, and the swung open. A man walks in, a folder in his hand that he throws in a organized bin as he takes a seat at his desk.

Tobias.

His hair is the same dark brown I remember, though it's cut shorter than when I last saw him. Tobias's eyes look worn from what I can see due to the fact that the footage doesn't necessarily give me a good look. His body is different, roughly the same muscle build, although he is more lean than before. And the way he holds himself as he sits in his chair, back slumped slightly, his face giving off no emotion. He's different, but not in the ways I thought he would be.

He glances at the tiny fridge in the corner of the room, before slowly raising from his chair. I watch as he walks over to it, grabbing a paper bag and bringing it back to his desk. Slumping back in his chair, he opens the bag and takes a sandwich out, unwrapping it and taking a bite.

I watch him as he eats slowly, alone in his office. Does he always eat alone? Does he have any work friends? I wish I could speak to him, let him know right now that I'm alive, then maybe he wouldn't have to eat lunch alone. It sounds stupid and juvenile for me to feel for someone just because they are eating alone, but I can't help the way my heart clenches as he puts away the only half eaten food.

Without looking up, my eyes glued to Tobias, I speak up, "Matthew, I need to speak with him. I need to see him. Please."

"I'm sorry, Tris, we already talked about this." He quietly says, almost whispering it to me as though he's scared to tell me. I turn around in my chair so that I'm facing them now.

"No Matthew. I'm leaving tomorrow whether you like it or not. I need to see him." I grunt, angrily clenching my fist, "It's been three years. He thinks I'm dead, Matthew! Just let me go."

"Tris…" Uriah cautions from the other side of Matthew, and I clench my jaw.

"Don't you wanna see Zeke, Uriah? You're just okay with waiting another week or two? You're brother going another week thinking that you're dead?" I nearly shout, my voice getting louder and louder.

Uriah stays silent, looking down at his lap as he fiddles with his thumbs. He knows I'm right. He wants to go back home just as bad as I do. So why can't we?

I glare at Matthew, "I'm gonna leave tomorrow. You can do the tests you need to, today, and you are welcome to join to monitor us or whatever, but I am leaving tomorrow."

His eyes are wide as he slowly nods his head at me, my glare morphing into a more satisfied look as I turn back toward the surveillance footage. I only feel a little guilty that I treated Matthew like that when all he's done is help me, but I need to see him. He deserves to see me.

Just wait a little longer Tobias, I'm coming back to you.

**Hey guys, I really appreciate all of you. Thank you so much for reading and all the kind reviews, I read them all. I hope you liked this chapter! By the way I'm trying to update every Sunday, but as you can see I may be a little late at times if I had a busy week, but for the most part I'll try to update ****consistently. Thank you again!**

**~Divergent24-7**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

TRIS POV:

Every rock in the road, every bump causes my body to bounce in the back seat of the truck as I try to take deep breaths in through my mouth and out my nose. I can see that we are approaching the fence at a fast rate, and I can't help the way my hands sweat with nerves as we get closer to Chicago.

All of yesterday I spent in the infirmary room as my doctors and nurses examined my vitals and physical body, constantly warning me that I am underweight and need to focus on gaining a few pounds. I let them know that I would eat a healthy amount and be careful until I meet their recommended weight. I am just glad to be done with all the routine checkups and unnecessary worry that they put on me.

The trip back to Chicago shouldn't be much longer once we pass the fence in a few minutes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, my mind racing at the possibilities in front of me. What is Tobias going to say? Are we gonna actually start our life together without the weight of war on our shoulders? Has he moved on enough in his life to not even want me?

I struggle thinking about all of this because to me it just seems like a little while ago I was telling him "see you later" when in his reality it has been three years. My hands move down my pants in an effort to rid the sweat accumulating on them. Is Uriah in the same boat I am? No, I guess not, because no matter what Zeke will still take Uriah in, I can't even imagine the relief and love Zeke is going to feel when he sees Uriah again.

"Are you okay?" I see Uriah peak his head around the corner of his front seat, peering at me with worry clear in his dark chocolate eyes.

I raise my eyebrows slightly as I contemplate what to say back, "Uh, yeah."

"That doesn't sound too confident."

"Well, it's hard to be confident when I'm unsure of what his reaction is going to be when I knock on his door after three years." I sigh, biting the inside of my cheek slightly as I close my eyes, trying to imagine the best.

"Tris he loved you then, he loves you now. He will probably be in shock for a bit but will love you all the same," He glances me up and down, taking in my sweaty nervous demeanor, "Look, if you are worried about how he's going to react then you can come with me to see Zeke first and get the details on Four before you see him. I'm sure Zeke knows all about how Four's been feeling, and if he has moved on."

Even though that sounds tempting, it feels wrong for Zeke to know that I'm alive before Tobias does, and if he has moved on, I want to hear it from him.

"Thank you for offering Uriah, but I think I need to see Tobias before I see anyone else, I've made him wait long enough." I state, showing the gratitude clear in my eyes. Uriah nods his head in agreement, and turns back around in his seat.

The rest of the ride I remain silent, the closer we get, the more anxious I feel. Right when we hit the city I can see all the massive differences, even in the dark of the night, that has been contracted throughout the streets. New buildings, city lights, streets for cars to drive on, new businesses on the corners, and people in every color walking around, enjoying themselves. I feel a sense of euphoria at the fact that all the loved ones I lost during the war fought for this, and they died for this. This peace. The ability for all of these people to express themselves freely, not being confined to one faction, or one color scheme. They can be whoever they want, and they can associate themselves with whomever they choose.

I can somewhat recognize the Hancock building in the dark distance, the lights illuminated from the tallest skyscraper, contrast the black sky, allowing me to make out how close we are getting. Matthew notices too, and glances back at me from the driver's seat and then at Uriah, gaining both of our attentions.

"Okay, so we are getting pretty close..." he states, then reaches into his backpack, pulling out two devices, "These are cell phones, if you need me, call me. I already programed my number into them, so just dial me if anything goes wrong. I will stay in the car near you guys, just in case something doesn't go right and you need a place to stay tonight, I have a hotel ready with two rooms. Tris, just let me know if you are or are not staying with Tobias. Uriah I doubt Zeke will decline you staying with him, but if so then you are also welcome to stay at one of the hotel rooms I got, and I can upgrade to a double bed suite. Also considering the time here, I would assume both Zeke and Tobias will be in their apartments, most likely sleeping, so if they don't answer just try knocking again, then call me if there is still no response. Everything sound good?"

"Yeah." Both Uriah and I state at roughly the same time.

"Good...and...this is it, good luck. Check in with me please so I know you made it." Matthew pleads, pulling over to the side, next to the entrance of the tall building, "Tris, apartment number 46, should be on the first floor. Uriah, apartment number 234, that will be on the second floor, elevators are-"

"If they are in the same spot as the last time I was here, I know where." Uriah cuts him off, basically bouncing out of his seat, anxious to see his brother.

"Okay, bye guys, good luck again."

"Bye, thank you, Matthew." I say, opening the door and sliding out of the car, holding the phone in my hand tightly as I glance back at Matthew watching Uriah get out as well.

"You're welcome."

And with that I close the door and Uriah and I walk into the Hancock building for the first time in three years, even though it just feels like maybe a month ago I ziplined off the roof of this, now reformed, building. We both stare at each other for a minute inside the doors, silently wishing each other luck before he heads towards the elevator, and I follow the sign that points down a hallway reading, Apartments #01-050.

When I finally reach the door I'm looking for, I gaze at the 046 written on the wood, and can't help but wonder if he picked this specific apartment on purpose, or if it was just chance. Either way, looking at the door that could hold my entire future behind it, causes a heat wave to hit my body. I wipe my hands on my jeans one more time, closing my eyes as I take a deep breath before I lift my fist to the wood, knocking four times.

I take a step back, fold my hands together, and wait.

**Uhhhh...hi guys. Kinda ironic how I just said I would post every Sunday and then immediately went on a random hiatus that lasted quite a while. I am really sorry about that. But I was able to write this with just a little bit of a cliffhanger, and I've already started working on the next chapter so don't worry, I'll be updating still. I really do appreciate all of you guys not calling me out for not updating, but instead encouraging me, it means the world. I will see you guys in the next chapter. And as always, thank you for reading!**

**~divergent24-7**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

TRIS POV:

My hands begin to shake as I stand, waiting, anticipating.

I don't hear any noise coming from the apartment and I begin to wonder if he will even answer the door. It is really late at night, maybe he's become a heavy sleeper, just another thing I'll have to adjust to in my three year absence.

After another few minutes, Matthews voice begins to echo in my head..._if they don't answer just try knocking again..._causing me to raise my hand and knock a little faster than before, hoping Tobias will assume it's important enough to get out of bed.

As I continue to wait, I feel the back of my eyes start to burn as pessimistic thoughts bounce throughout my mind, my brain not capable of stopping them.

_He's not coming. _

_He's not going to answer the door at this time of night. _

_Maybe it's a sign because he wouldn't be happy to see me. Maybe he would just slam the door in my face anyway, and the universe is giving me an out right here, right now. _

_I should just leave. _

_Call Matthew and get the hell away from the scary unknown. _

My trembling hands concede to my thoughts and reach down to the back pocket of my jeans to retrieve the phone Matthew gave me. Just as I feel the tips of my fingers brush the screen, I hear the lock on the door in front of me being unhooked. Then the second lock is undone and I see the handle begin to move as the person behind the door starts to open it.

I hear him before I see him, his voice deep and rumbling, still obviously swayed from sleep, "If this is Zeke or Christina, I'm going to kill you, it's the goddamn middle of the night," the door starts to creek open, his voice becoming clearer and clearer, "I'm trying to sleep, this better be-"

Tobias's voice halts, the door now all the way open.

I hear a sharp intake of air and he stares at me. His deep blue eyes suddenly wide with shock, his body no longer moving, frozen in place, staring. I stare right back, the negative thoughts instantly being taken over, my mind coming undone by the beauty that is the man before me.

Even though it seems like a few weeks ago that I last saw him, it's almost like I forgot how handsome he really is. His dark brown hair complements his deep ocean eyes, with his jaw line clenched as he seems to read my soul like a book.

I forgot how tall he is, towering over me as we stand a few feet apart now, him still unable to move or even breath.

My nerves cease for a moment as I stare into his eyes, but instantly return when he doesn't move, or speak, or breath, for what feels like an eternity.

_This was a mistake. _

Maybe I shouldn't have just ambushed him at his home in the middle of the night and instead sent him a letter that let him know I was alive. Or even called his work during the day and said, 'Surprise, I'm alive.'

I can't tell if my heart is beating so fast I can't feel it, or too slow, but I know that I feel light headed as I continue to stare into his eyes.

My shoulders are just as tense as his are as we stand frozen.

I need to say something.

Anything.

Maybe he just needs to hear my voice and he'll come out of his trance.

I open my mouth to simply say, "hi", but instead all of my thoughts pour out of me extremely fast, like I can't control anything I vocalize, "I'm so sorry I'm just showing up like this. I know it's been three years. I know you are probably super confused, and mad, but I had to see you. If you don't want to see me, that's okay, I totally understand. I have Matthews number and I can call him to come pick me back up. He's probably still waiting outside like he said. I can just go and we can talk about this when it's not in the middle of the night and you're not so ..."

My voice trails off as he slowly begins to reach his hand up, hesitantly toward me. His fingertips lightly brush the side of my face, his other hand slowly raising to do the same to my other cheek.

When his hands finally come in full contact with my face, he takes one slow step forward, and then one more.

The next thing I know, my face is squished against his hard chest, one of his hands around my waist and the other cradling my head.

I feel his chest deflate as he lets out a big puff of air, the first time he has breathed since he saw me. My hands wrap around his middle, my face pressing closer into his warm body as I let out a sigh of relief.

His head bends down and comes in contact with the top of mine, his cheek resting on my hair. He takes another deep breath as he pulls me in closer than I think I've ever been before.

Everything else fades away as I hold him just as tight as he's holding me, and for the first time since I woke up, I feel the three years apart in full effect. I fade into him as I feel every part of my body in contact with his.

I don't even realize he's crying until I feel the wetness through my hair on my scalp. It causes the burning in my own eyes to intensify, threatening to burst from me stronger than ever.

In an attempt to calm him I whisper his name with an extremely shaky voice, "Tobias.."

This has the opposite effect however, as I hear a strangled sob come from Tobias's mouth, a sound I've never heard him make before. His chest starts to puff in and out as he cries into my hair, his hands holding me as close as possible.

We stay like this for a long time. Not caring that we are standing in the hallway of his apartment building where the public can see. It's just us, him grasping onto me, and me holding him as he cries.

When he eventually stops sobbing, I take a deep breath, reaching my hand back around his body to wipe the few stray tears that managed to escape from my own eyes. I then place this hand on his chest right next to my face.

I can feel his heart beating so fast I worry he may be having a heart attack.

"We should probably sit down." I speak softly, my hand that's still on his back reaching up to grasp his strong shoulder as my head tilts slightly.

At first he doesn't move, standing there holding me as tight as he can still, like he's now frozen in this position. Then his hands slowly let go of me as he pulls his head back standing upright again.

I begin to pull away from him so that we can walk into his apartment, but he doesn't fully let go of me. He keeps at least one hand on me at all times as he begins to slowly walk into his place, almost like he believes that if he lets go I'll disappear.

After closing and locking the front door, he leads me to his couch that's sat in the very spacious living-room.

I barely take notice to anything other than his hand on my back as I take a seat on the sofa.

He's not far behind as he sits so close to me I almost think he's going to sit on me. His hands then reach around my waist pulling me on top of his lap, his chin sitting on my shoulder as he holds me as close as possible.

Finally I hear his voice again, the first time he speaks directly to me since I arrived, it's wavering and scratchy now as he stutters out gibberish, "I-I...there's...you...I don't...how...oh my god."

He sounds just as shocked as he looked when he first saw me.

I turn over in his arms, my legs straddling him as I sit on his lap, needing to look at him as I talk. My heart clenches when I see his red rimmed eyes staring at me, still in disbelief. I bring my hand up and lightly touch his face as he closes his eyes and leans into my touch.

Another tear escapes him, but I catch it with my thumb as I cradle his face in my hand.

I've never seen him like this before. He seems so… so vulnerable. It's hard for me to believe that this is what my absence has caused him. So much anguish.

"Tobias, I'm right here."

"Please tell me that you are actually here and my mind hasn't finally snapped." Tobias pleads, his face leaning in closer to mine as he speaks.

"I'm really here, Tobias. I promise."

He takes another deep breath, resting his forehead on mine, squeezing his eyes shut.

I just stare at him. Unsure of what to say, or do to help what I'm positive is a wave of emotions.

His brows furrow right before he opens his deep blue orbs again, fresh water glistening in the small amount of moon light seeping in through the window on our left. Tobias lifts his forehead off of mine, but doesn't go far as we still breath in each others air.

"This has to be a dream...or a hallucination...god, have I really lost it this bad? ...I-I don't understand how you're here. Please really be here. Please really be alive." He whispers hope dancing throughout his features.

I grasp at his face with both my hands, staring straight at him, "Tobias, I'm really here. I'm really alive."

"Oh my god, Tris...I..."

He doesn't even bother to finish his sentence before I feel his lips molding against mine.

I kiss him back almost immediately, the intensity behind each movement radiating throughout my body.

Passion, lust, love.

I can feel all of his emotions as he grabs my hips just a bit harder, pulling me into his body just a bit closer.

I try to push the negative thoughts out of my head during this moment of pure extacy, but as he opens his mouth gliding his tongue across my lips, asking for permission, I hesitate.

_Does this mean he is single? Or is he kissing me because I died and I'm back…_

_If he did have a girlfriend, he wouldn't cheat on her...would he? Even if it is me? _

_Does he still want me as much as I want him? _

_Is this just heat of the moment, and as soon as I wake up in bed next to him he's going to be disgusted by me and my sickly body. _

Tobias senses my hesitation, pulling his lips from mine immediately. His face is laced with concern, his eyebrows furrowing just as they did before.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be sorry, Tobias. I'm sorry...I just want to clear a few things up before…" I trail off unsure of what will happen tonight, or in my near future.

He gives me a slight nod, raising his still furrowed eyebrows.

I take a long, strangled breath, my hands letting go of him, folding in my lap, "I don't know where to start. I just need some answers, and I'm sure you do as well."

"You can ask me anything."

His right hand leaves my hip, meeting my jaw as he pulls my head up to look at him. I hadn't realized I was staring at my hands on our lap until I'm met with his emotion filled eyes again.

I try to think of the best way to ask him, but come up empty, and before I can decide which route to go, I blurt out the questions that's been nagging at me since I woke up.

"Are you single?"

Tobias's eyebrows shoot up at my question, confusion clear on his face as he moves his hand back down to my hip.

"I mean...I know it's been three years. I don't want this to be just heat of the moment. God, I miss you and it feels like I saw you just a few weeks ago...I can't imagine how you're feeling. So, I just want to make sure that you're not just kissing me because I died and I was your girlfriend. If you have moved on, I understand…" I try to clarify, attempting to sound steady, but I'm currently feeling anything but.

"Tris, when you… left, I… there was no way I could have moved on. Jesus, it's been three years and I still dream about you nearly every night." He admits, acting slightly shocked at himself for confessing to dreaming of me.

I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks as I think about what type of dreams Tobias could be having of me. Are they good or bad?

"So no girlfriend?" I sound like I'm pleading with him to say no.

"Unless you're talking about yourself. No, no girlfriend."

I let out a huff of air I didn't know I was holding in. No girlfriend. Just him and me.

"Tris, how are you here? Have you been alive all these years? Why didn't you come to me until now? Whose ashes did I release on the zip line?" He queries, questions spilling from his mouth.

Shifting my body on his lap awkwardly, I hesitate to answer, worried he will be disgusted when I admit that I have in fact been brought back from the dead, "Do you remember Matthew?"

"Yeah."

"He told me that after he let everyone see my body, he took and preserved me while he worked out a serum that could potentially raise divergents from the dead. He said he got the bullets out of me, stitched me up, and put me on extensive machines that could almost make my body act as though it was still alive and functioning.

"After he finalized the serum he injected his first, known divergent, test subject with it. When a few days passed and that person… woke up, he decided that I would be his next test subject and injected me with it. I came back a few days later. I don't remember anything in the three years I was dead, and when I woke up, it felt like I had been shot the day before. However, I was then informed that it had, in fact, been three years and everyone moved back to Chicago.

"I demanded to see you right away, Tobias. I didn't know what you'd do, or what to expect when I finally saw you again, but I had to see you, I was done with all of their bullshit testing, and making sure I was okay. I knew you had thought I was dead for three years, and I had to come to you. I'm so sorry I put you through this. I'm so so so sorry. I love you."

He doesn't say anything as I just keep whispering how much I love him, but instead places his lips back on mine. Our lips move in sync, but this kiss doesn't last long before Tobias pulls away again, his hand brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I love you too, Tris," He states staring into my soul, "I honestly just can't believe you are actually here, in my arms. I can't express how many times I wished for exactly this."

A smile creeps up on my face as I sigh in relief. He wants me still, he's always wanted me.

His mouth mimics mine, and soon his face is morphed into one of pure joy and happiness. He smiles so wide I almost worry it's going to get stuck like that.

"I missed you so much. Holy shit, Tris, I just can't believe you are really here." He keeps repeating.

This time I'm leaning in to kiss him, my lips setting gently on his, him pushing deeper into me. Our mouths move together, opening without any preservations, heated by our continued love for one another.

Soon his lips leave mine only to trial down my face, coming in contact with every part of my head and neck. Only when he reaches the scar on my neck do I pull away slightly, feeling the pit in my stomach returning as I think about how the ragged skin looks.

"Is that from… " He trails off, his breath dancing across my skin as he breaths the words into my neck.

I pinch my lips together as I nodded my head, attempting to swallow the knot in my throat as I think about the ugly reminder of what happened.

Instead of backing away at it's appalling view, he kisses my scar softly, lightly brushing his lips across it. My hands find their way to the nape of his neck, clasping together. I can feel the short hair on his head rub against my fingertips.

"I love you so much." I whisper, my heart squeezing tightly with so many emotions.

"There is no way to express how much I love you." His voice ghosts through the air.

We stay like this for awhile, him kissing every piece of my skin that he can reach, me trying to kiss him back but to no avail. Finally, as if something suddenly clicks in his brain, he leans back against the couch and stares at me, eyebrows scrunched so tightly they almost touch.

"Who was Matthew's first test subject?"

**Hey guys, I really appreciate all the amazing reviews and thank you all so much for reading and continuing to support my writing. **

**~Divergent24-7**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

TOBIAS POV:

She's here.

In my arms.

After three long, lonely years, she's here.

It's almost like the second I saw her, the wounds she left gaping, bleeding in my heart sewed themselves up as I stared into her beautiful stormy eyes.

_How on earth is she here?_

I almost don't care. I don't care if she's been alive this entire time and just now wanted to see me. I don't care if she is a ghost. I don't care if I've died and this is heaven.

She's here and I can touch her. That's all that matters.

I almost laugh when she asks if I'm single. Nearly letting the words, 'what do you think?' slip past my lips as I wonder if she really thinks I'd even be capable of moving on. There's no _after _when it comes to her.

My curiosity gets the better of me, however, the questions bubbling out of my mouth, my thoughts trying to process everything that's happening, and everything she says, but I don't even really register what she tells me. All I can hear her say is that she's alive, and something about a being a test subject. It doesn't matter. She's here.

"I love you… I love you… I love you…" Tris just keeps whispering the words as she holds me.

I don't notice I'm leaning into her face until my lips touched hers once again, pure joy and relief radiating throughout my entire being.

"I love you too, Tris. I honestly just can't believe you are actually here, in my arms. I can't express how many times I wished for exactly this." I admit as I watch a bright smile flash across her face.

It's like my heart stops beating as I stare at her. Her beauty blinding me.

"I missed you so much. Holy shit, Tris, I just can't believe you are really here."

In an instant we're kissing again, unable to control ourselves, and my desire to hold her as close as I can and savor every part of her takes over, and I can't stop myself from kissing every inch of her head and neck.

I only slow when I feel a roughness under my lips on her left side, right where her neck meets her collar bone. Pulling back just enough to be able to look down at her skin, getting a good view of a nasty scar.

"Is that from…" I ask, unable to finish my sentence as a chill runs through my spine when I think about a bullet entering her soft skin.

She only nods, swallowing thickly, and I can tell she's suddenly become very uncomfortable.

In an attempt to show her that I still find her the most gorgeous women in the world, I kiss her small imperfection. My lips only lightly brushing her olive skin, but she reacts by clasping her hands around my neck, pulling me in closer.

"I love you so much." She breaths as I kiss her just a little harder.

"There is no way to express how much I love you."

All I know is that with her sitting in my lap, after three years apart, I worry that if I stop kissing her, stop touching her, stop speaking to her, she will disappear into thin air, confirming my suspicion that this is all just a dream.

That never happens though. Her body reacting just as it used to with every kiss.

She tries to kiss me as well, but I can't help wanting to savor every piece of skin visible on her. I want to memorize what I had forgotten in her absence.

_Her absence. Her death. _

_Her death that caused her to become a test subject for some new serum Matthew made._

_Did she say it only works on divergents? _

_Wait… did she admit she wasn't the first test subject?_

My body snaps back into the couch when I think about another divergent that had died walking this earth.

_Do I know them? They had to be at the Bureau if Matthew tested them right? Who was it? _

_Was it… it can't be… I'm not that lucky. _

"Who was Matthew's first test subject?" My voice wavers as I try not to get my hopes up.

She gives me a small smile as she runs her hand across my face, confirming my suspicions with just a few words, "It was Uriah, Tobias."

"He's alive?"

"Yes."

"You're alive?"

"Yes."

Okay. Now I'm starting to feel a little light headed, too many emotions, I rarely feel in the first place, spinning around in my brain. So many I can't decide which one to feel in this moment.

How on earth did I get so lucky to have my girlfriend and my best friends brother - that I killed - back in the span of a few hours.

"Are you okay?" Tris asks, placing her lips softly against my check, only causing more emotions to fire in my brain at the contact.

I take a long steadying breath as I hold her tighter to keep my hands from shaking, "I will be… just a lot to take in. I am still struggling to believe that you are in front of me, let alone that Uriah is alive somewhere too."

"He's actually with Zeke right now." She states.

"Zeke's known?" I almost shout, trying my hardest to mask my anger.

"No, Uriah just did the same thing I did, so Zeke just found out, same time as you."

"Okay," that makes me feel a lot better, "should we go see them?"

She ponders this, making a cute scrunched face as she thinks, "Probably not. I'm sure they are enjoying each others company right now, we can see them tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." I whisper, silently thanking her for admitting to a tomorrow.

She shifts her weight on my lap again, stirring up my body in ways only she can. I stare at her, memorizing every soft feature on her face, her silky skin that runs across her neck and down her chest under her shirt. Her collar bone sticks out more than I remember, as do her cheek bones, but it doesn't matter, she's still just as beautiful as she was three years ago.

A loud buzzing breaks through the comfortable silence, and I can feel vibrating on my leg where her butt sits. It goes off multiple times before Tris breaks our trance by reaching into her back pocket and grabbing a phone.

She glances at the screen and taps it a few times before reading something. Her eyes roll as she scrolls, something obviously annoying her, but then she cracks a smile before glancing back up at me.

"Uriah contacted Matthew and I."

She turns the phone around and hands it to me so that I can read what it says.

Uriah: Zeke tryng 2 teach me how 2 use this thng

Matthew: Well full sentences with complete words would be a good start. Maybe some punctuation?

Uriah: He says tht its ez 2 type like ths

Matthew: Please stop.

Uriah: So I can drink rt? Like I wont explode?

Matthew: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys that as you know you are our first successful subjects, so please take it easy. No strenuous activities; lifting, running, exercising, sexual intercourse, those types of things. Also try not to drink any alcohol or take any drugs, of any kind, even pain killers. We don't know the effect it could have on your body.

Uriah: Aw mannnnnnn.

I glance back at Tris, eyebrows raised as I picture Uriah laughing and having a good time with his brother. Something I thought I would never be able to imagine again. The phone buzzes again while in my hand, instinctively I look down.

Uriah: Get that Tris? No _sexual intercourse._

I laugh out loud and Tris snatches the device from my hands, quickly reading the text and rolling her eyes, trying to pass it off as though it's nothing, but I can see the way her cheeks become just a bit more rosy than before.

"Yeah, Tobias. What on earth are we going to do?" Tris laughs sarcastically, rolling her eyes at me now.

"I don't know, I guess you should just go then." I say, playing into her sarcasm.

She shrugs her shoulders and smiles at me as she says, "Okay."

Tris starts to get off of me, swinging her leg around so that she can stand, but as she loses contact with me, my heart drops. White hot panic flashes through my entire being, my body reacting in seconds as I reach out and grab her wrist before she can even take one step.

I try to play it off with a small smile of my own, but she gives me a knowing, concerned look.

"Tobias, I was just joking."

"I know… Just don't… don't leave." I know my voice sounds desperate and I almost cringe at my tone, but I can't help my increasing heart rate.

Her lips quirk up in a tiny sad smile as she sits on my lap again, this time with both her legs hanging over my left thigh and her arms wrapped around my neck. She gives me a quick peck on the lips and then leans against my right arm thats slung across her back.

I find my lips move down to kiss the crown of her head where she's now resting on my chest.

"So I'm guessing you want me to stay here tonight?" She asks, mumbling into my shirt.

I give her a curt nod, though I know she can't see it, I assume she can feel it.

"Alright, let me tell Matthew."

My head leans against hers, so I'm watching as she grabs her disregarded phone and pulls up Matthews name. She types a quick message letting him know that she was good for the night and thanked him.

Then her head is leaning back against me, both of us curled into each other, and we stay here for quite some time just enjoying each others company.

-page break-

At about four - something - in the morning, Tris quietly asks if she could take a shower because she has what she calls a 'gross travel smell'. I grin at her and help her off the couch and towards the bathroom connected to my bedroom.

When we walk through the door she stops, barely making it past the door frame as she stands staring at the room. My sheets are folded over from when I got out of bed not too long ago to answer a door that granted all my wishes.

_Just a few hours ago I was living with the fact that Tris was dead. That I would never have been able to see her again. That I was going to die alone. _

_Now my hands are wrapped around her skinny waist, holding her as close as she'll allow in this moment. Tris is safe, in my arms._

"Tobias," Tris voice breaks through my heavy thoughts, "where is everything?"

"What do you mean?" I question, my face clearly displaying my confusion.

My king sized bed is sat in the middle of the room against the back wall, a sleek wood frame with a gray comforter laying atop it and a square night stand to the right of the bed. A dresser sits on the wall opposite the door to the bathroom, right next to another door that leads to my walk in closet. There are two smaller windows on either side on my bed, framing the large mattress, though both have blinds that are normally always closed.

It's not much but it's definitely enough for just me.

"Where is everything?" She whispers this time, almost like she's only speaking to herself.

I lightly grab onto her arm and follow her as she walks further into my room, turning to face me when she gets to the left side of my bed, next to the dresser.

"Where are pictures or decorations? You don't have anything on these walls…" Her free arm flails as she gestures to the empty walls of the room, "You don't have any type of electronic in here, and the only thing on your night stand is a lamp. How long have you lived here?"

I squint my eyes slightly trying to remember when I moved in, right after the Hancock building was renovated.

I was one of the first to live here. I even got to pick which level of the building, the floor plan of the apartment, and which apartment number I wanted. It's been about two years now.

"Two years, roughly." I say.

"Oh god, Tobias. This looks like the hospital room I stayed in."

My forehead creases and I feel the strong need to defend myself, "Well, what do you expect. It's not like I could put pictures of you and me up covering the walls."

I almost instantly regret my words, huffing before breathing out an apology.

I half expected her to blow up at me, fighting my low blow with her own like we used to, but instead sadness fills her wide eyes as she stares at me.

"I know, I'm sorry." Her face contorts to one of shame as she looks at the floor for comfort, "I just wish my death didn't cause you so much pain and loneliness. I don't know what I expected, but it's just so cold in here, like a house, not a home."

My hand reaches for her chin, as I pulled her face back up to look at me, "_We _can make it a home now."

She cracks an award winning smile as she leans up and gives me a peck on the lips, "Did you just ask me to move in with you?"

"Well I won't let you live anywhere else."

"Figured as much. You won't even let me go to take a shower." She states gesturing toward the bathroom door.

"I need to shower too… why don't we just save some water?" I ask, slightly playing with her but mostly serious because I do worry what my mind will succumb to in her short absence from my arms.

Tris gives me a full laugh this time, throwing her head back, "Tobias, Matthew said no sex."

"I didn't say sex. I said shower, that's it." I promise, putting my hand on my heart like a little girl swearing on her mom's grave.

Her eyebrows raise as through she doesn't believe me, but she grabs my hand thats wrapped around her waist anyway, and leads me to the bathroom door. When we get inside she takes in her surroundings before turning back to me and giving me a small smile.

"I… I uh… I don't look the same as I used to. I figured I would tell you that before stripping my clothes. I have more scars like the one on my neck, and I lost all the muscle I had. I also lost a good amount of weight, Matthew actually wants me to gain fifteen pounds. But, anyway, I understand if you want to change your mind about this. I will completely understand and maybe we can try again when I gain some more weight and go to the gym to get the muscle I lost back…"

She continues to ramble about all the things she can do to better her appearance. I feel like rolling my eyes.

_Does she know me at all?_

"Tris, I couldn't care less about what you look like. Your beauty is just an added bonus when it comes to how I feel. I don't think that there's anything you could do that would make you unappealing to me." I tell her, speaking from my heart as I stare at her in awe.

I can see the tears well up in her eyes as she looks at me, "When did you become so romantic and outspoken?"

I can tell it's a deflection of my complement, but I give in to her small joke cracking a smile, then whispering seriously, "When I realized that nothing is better left unsaid."

Her eyes flash with something I don't recognize, but it's gone in a split second and then she's whispering back that she agrees.

**Hey guys, thank you for reading, and I really appreciate all of the reviews. I hope you liked their reunion, and there is more to come. Also just to remind you all that in the beginning I let it known that this is a strong T rated story, please keep that in mind. Thank you for all your support.**

**~Divergent24-7**


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